Agrippina Starves: Power-Hungry Widow or Tiberius' Next Victim?

By Clickbaiticus Historius, Rome's Most Traditional Journalist

Rome, 29 AD - Dearest citizens of our glorious Eternal City, what a tale I have for you today! Agrippina the Elder, once empress and now a widow, is reportedly starving herself. Is she a victim of Tiberius' tyrannical rule or just another power-hungry patrician playing the sympathy card? Let's dig into this, shall we?

First, let's paint a picture. You're Agrippina, wife of the beloved Germanicus and mother of, count 'em, nine children! You've lived in the lap of luxury, and now you're exiled to just one of your many homes on the island of Pandateria. A tad less glamorous than the Palatine Hill, sure, but by Jupiter's beard, it's no sty!

But now, you're 'starving'? Oh, the humanity! It's a tragedy worthy of Euripides himself, if you ask me. Where are the tragedians when you need them?

Now, don't get me wrong, dear readers. We all know Tiberius isn't exactly winning any 'Emperor of the Year' awards. His paranoid purges and, let's not forget, that odd obsession with astrology are enough to make anyone a little uneasy. But to claim that he's forcing Agrippina to starve? That's a leap longer than Scipio's journey to Carthage!

Let's not forget who we're dealing with here. Agrippina is no meek matron. This is the woman who marched with her husband's ashes through the streets of Rome, the woman who publicly feuded with Tiberius and his mother, Livia, the woman who gave birth to Caligula! Caligula, people!

Is it so hard to believe that she's using her 'starvation' to gain sympathy? To rally support against the man she's publicly detested for years? As much as I love a good conspiracy theory, this one's as believable as the myth of Romulus and Remus being raised by a she-wolf.

So, is Agrippina a power-hungry widow or Tiberius' next victim? It's a question for the ages, my good Romans. But let's not forget who we are. We are Romans. We value strength, courage, and, above all, truth.

So, as we watch this drama unfold, let's remember to take the tales of starving widows and tyrannical emperors with a pinch of salt. Because in the game of power, everyone's hungry. And hunger, dear friends, can make even the noblest patrician a little... dramatic.

Until next time, dear