Brother's Feverish Fall: Domitian Rises Amidst Shadows!

Rome, September 18, 96 AD - In a twist that would make even Jupiter himself spit out his divine ambrosia, our dear Emperor Titus has succumbed to a fever. A fever, ladies and gentlemen! How pedestrian. And in his wake, his younger brother Domitian has ascended the throne, proving once again that being the second son has its perks.

The former Emperor's temperate rule now replaced by Domitian's brand of... let's call it 'enthusiasm.' But forgive me, I pun. Or should I say, 'punic'? Because that's how it feels: a Carthaginian invasion of traditional Roman values.

Now, you know me, dear readers. I'm not one to gossip, but it's hard to ignore the whispers that Domitian might have had a hand in his brother's demise. Shadows of suspicion lurk around every corner. But hey, it's probably just coincidental that the same guy who was so quick to seize the throne was also incredibly eager to see his brother off it. And by 'off it', I mean six feet under.

Now, I'm no soothsayer, but I do know a thing or two about the signs of the times. You see, when an Emperor goes from ruling the Empire to ruling the heavens in less than 24 hours and his brother steps up faster than a retired centurion at a free wine tasting, it does make you wonder, does it not?

This is Rome! We are the beacon of civilization, not some backwater Germanic tribe where the biggest club gets the crown. Our democracy, our Senate, our people - all deserve better than being treated to a spectacle that reeks of an opportunistic grab for power dressed in purple toga.

So, here's to Domitian, our new Emperor, the man who's climbed the ladder of success quicker than Mercury delivering messages for the gods. Let's hope he's as fast at running the Empire as he was at running to the throne.

In conclusion, dear readers, keep your togas close and your wits closer. For in this City of Seven Hills, ambition runs steeper than the slopes of Capitoline. We've weathered tyrants, wars, and plagues. A feverish fall and a shadowy rise? Just another day in our Eternal City.

Long live Rome!