Consualia: Grain Gods, Galloping Steeds, and Sabine Shadows

By: Gossipia Gladiatrix

Circus Maximus, Rome, August 21

Rome. The city of seven hills, the city of eternal glory, and today, the city of Consualia. You know, that quaint little festival we throw together in honor of Consus, our beloved god of grain and storage. Ah, what's more invigorating than waking up to the aroma of freshly harvested grain, baying horses, and a dash of cultural appropriation?

The day begins with a spirited horse and chariot races, leaving the Circus Maximus dustier than Cato the Elder's toga. Jokes aside, the spectacle itself is deserving of admiration. The synergy between the charioteers and their horses, cutting through the air with unparalleled panache, embodies the essence of Roman resilience and innovation.

And if you're lucky, you might even catch sight of a few equestrian ballets - a collection of well-oiled, muscular bodies prancing around like they've been possessed by the spirit of Bacchus. A sight equally bizarre and entertaining. It's the modern-day equivalent of watching gladiators play a round of "pin the tail on the donkey" at the Colosseum.

Humor aside, the central theme of Consualia—beyond the galloping steeds and grain—is the commemoration of the abduction of the Sabine women. Yes, you read it right, abduction. Not exactly a chapter from our history that we Romans should be proud of. But instead of making any efforts to rectify our past, we parade it around in broad daylight.

In our defense, we claim that the Sabine women were 'essential' for the survival of Rome, and that abduction was, in fact, a form of 'romantic pursuit.' If that isn't the most creative bit of historical gaslighting, I don't know what is.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not against honoring our traditions, but it's high time we revisit the narratives we're choosing to celebrate. Remember, folks, progress isn't about erasing our past, but learning from it. So, let's treat Consualia as a reminder of that.

Let's honor the strength and resilience of the Sabine women who were forced into a foreign land, and yet managed to thrive. Let’s celebrate the achievements of Romans and Sabines alike who learned to live together, setting the foundation for the inclusivity that should be the cornerstone of our modern Rome.

In the spirit of Consualia, let’s raise a toast to the grain that sustains us, the horses that carry us, and most importantly, the diverse and vibrant cultures that make Rome the unparalleled marvel that it is.

Because, at the end of the day, we're