Janus' Glory: Divine Doorway or Duilius' Tall Tale?

Rome, 279 BC, a day as average as olives on an antipasto platter, yet, behold! Suddenly, our noble Consul Duilius, has been struck with divine inspiration, or so he claims.

It appears our city's beloved Janus, the Roman god of beginnings, passages, and endings, has been kind enough to bestow upon Duilius a glorious vision. A grand doorway, blessed by the divine himself, has been proposed to be built on the sacred ground of our beloved Forum and it's about as appealing as a Gaul without a wash.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm as faithful as the next Roman. Pass me a libation, and I'll pour out a generous offering to Jupiter himself. But this... this feels like a spectacle concocted by a bored aristocrat with more sesterces than sense.

What's the purpose of this divine doorway, you ask? Allegedly, it serves as a sign of peace and war. Open in times of conflict, closed in times of peace. A lovely symbol, no doubt, but I can't help but feel it's quicker to just ask a passing legionary if we're at war or not.

According to Duilius, this Janus-given idea came to him in a dream, where he found himself speaking to the deity. Ah, the age-old 'I had a dream' excuse. Often used by my wife when she wants me to fix something around the house.

But I digress, let's return to the supposed god-given gate. How reliable can a dream be? Last week, I dreamt I was being chased by a rabid weasel wearing the laurel crown. Should I rush to the Senate and declare a weasel as the new emperor?

Moreover, the fact that this "divine doorway" is open during war and closed during peace seems a little counterintuitive, doesn't it? You'd think Janus, being the sensible chap he is, would prefer his door to be open during peaceful times. Perhaps it's been lost in the god-to-human translation, much like a Gaul trying to speak Latin.

So, dear readers, is this Janus' glory or Duilius' tall tale? A divine doorway or a frivolous folly? I'll let you decide. But I won't be holding my breath for the day those doors stay shut. After all, if there's one thing as constant as the Tiber's flow, it's Rome's penchant for a good scrap.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a weasel to chase...