Jupiter Joins the Plebs: Are Patricians Losing the Circus Flaminius?

Clickbaiticus Historius - I Kalends of Quintilis, 264 BC

"Well, zounds! Jupiter might as well don a toga praetexta, head down to the Subura and start trading amphorae for a living," I grumble to myself as I witness the latest spectacle.

It’s a new day on the Circus Flaminius, and it seems that we have a new addition to the roster of plebeian entertainments: our very own Jupiter, the god of gods.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm as Roman as they come. I've got my laurel wreath and my abacus, and I’ve never said no to a good orgy. But the sight of our revered deity joining the plebeian bandwagon is enough to make me want to spit out my Falernian wine.

It’s a kick in the loincloth to every Roman who holds dear the traditional role of our patricians and gods. Jupiter, you're not helping matters. This isn’t some Bacchic revelry - it's the Circus Flaminius!

The Circus has long been the domain of the plebeians. It's where they gather to watch chariots zip around the track faster than Scipio's conquests. It's where they cheer on gladiators battling like a pack of angry Caledonians.

But Jupiter? The king of our gods? It's like inviting Caesar to your dinner party just to watch him fiddle with the finger bowls. It's downright undignified. He should be up there on the Capitoline, keeping an eye on us all, not getting mixed up in the muck and mire of the Circus.

And what’s next? Will we see Juno judging the annual pleb baking competition? Mars refereeing a wrestling match at the local gymnasium? Or Neptune becoming a fishing guide for the plebs at the Tiber?

You might be thinking, "But Clickbaiticus, isn't this all in good fun? It's just a bit of entertainment." Well, tell that to the patricians, who're being elbowed out of their Circus boxes by these so-called 'gods of the people'. It's enough to make a senator turn to the Gauls for some peace and quiet.

We're sliding down a slippery slope here, citizens. If we continue to let this happen, we'll soon see our traditional values thrown to the dogs – or worse, the Carthaginians.

So, I plead with you, Jupiter: Stop your hobby-horsing around and get back to doing your godly duties. Leave the Circus to the plebs.

And while you're at it, give a thought to the patricians. They might not have your thunderbolts,