Maxentius Ascends: Rome's Unlikely Emperor or Desperate Gambit?

Maxentius Ascends: Rome's Unlikely Emperor or a Desperate Gambit?

Rome, October 28th, 306 A.D.

It's hard not to be swept up in the pomp and grandeur of Maxentius' ascension to the throne. It's a spectacle for the ages, a moment of ostentation that would make even the most prodigious peacock blush. The air is thick with anticipation and, let's be honest, a fair bit of confusion. Call me cynical (many do), but it feels rather like the moment when Decius pulled a rabbit out of his toga at last year's Saturnalia party - remarkable, but certainly not something you want managing an empire.

Let's be clear, Maxentius is no Caesar, and despite his illustrious pedigree, he’s more a reluctant hero plucked from the ranks of the patrician class than a masterful tactician or statesman. He’s a man who’s made a career of 'just happening' to be in the right place at the right time. And isn’t that just the kind of luck you’d want for the leader of your world-dominating empire, right?

Maxentius’ ascension is nothing if not a Hail Mars pass that makes the infamous Battle of the Milvian Bridge seem like a minor tussle over the last amphora of Falernian wine. Suddenly, a man who wouldn’t have been trusted to run a corner taberna finds himself the head of the most powerful empire in the world. It's like handing the reins of a four-horse chariot to a man who can’t tell a mare from a mule.

What we're dealing with here is a classic case of 'Emperor's New Clothes'. Maxentius is being dressed up in the imperial purple, but it's clear to anyone who's been paying attention that he's woefully underprepared for the job. The Praetorian Guard may have thrown their support behind him, but that's less about faith in his leadership and more about maintaining the status quo.

As Romans, we deserve an emperor who can actually lead, not just pose for statues. We need someone who understands the complexities of our vast empire, who values the contributions of every citizen, from the top-billed gladiator to the lowliest street sweeper.

Maxentius might be the talk of the town today, but let's not forget that Rome wasn't built in a day and it certainly won't be improved by a gambit. I say, let's put down the wine and pick up our standards. We deserve an emperor who doesn't just look the part, but can truly play it too.

In the meantime, raise your cups, Romans, and toast to our new emperor. May his reign be as short as his qualifications!

Valete, Gossipia Gladiatrix