New Basileus in Town: Nero's Ghost or Innocent Infant?

OpEd by Clickbaiticus Historius, June 15, 68 AD

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Oh, Romans, Romans! Brace yourselves. We've got a new 'Basileus' in town. And no, it's not the latest exotic dish served at your local thermopolium. This time, the foreign influence comes wrapped in a pretty purple robe, topped with a fancy diadem, and draped in the title of 'Emperor.'

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all for a little change in scenery. A shakeup of the Forum here, a new aqueduct there. But did we really need to import one from right across the Hellespont? I mean, wasn't Julius Caesar's ghost haunting the Senate enough? Now, we've got to deal with Nero's phantom frolicking in our dreams.

Friends, Romans, countrymen! Now is the time to chuckle nervously at our situation. Call it fate, destiny, or just plain bad luck, but the purple-robed entity standing at the helm of our once-proud Republic is none other than the recently born Basileus. Just yesterday, our boys were playing with their little wooden swords, and today, one of them is controlling the fate of the empire - is it Nero's ghost or an innocent infant?

How do we even begin to trust the leadership of someone who probably still needs their bum wiped by a nursemaid? And yes, I said that out loud, so feel free to etch it on my tombstone — "Here lies Clickbaiticus, the man who dared to question the diaper-clad Basileus."

What's next? Will we be forced to pay taxes in drachmas? Should we start lining up at the local thermopolium for some of that famous Greek honey wine? Or perhaps we'll start sporting togas that are more Athenian than Roman.

I'm not saying that the young Basileus is Nero's ghost reincarnate. But if you start seeing fiddles and burning buildings, don't say I didn't warn you.

Furthermore, let me remind you of the Roman spirit that runs through our veins. We are the descendants of Romulus and Remus, not some Greek demigods sipping ambrosia on Mount Olympus.

I'm not against the Greeks. I've met a few, some of them are quite nice. But remember, Romans, when in Rome, do as the Romans do. We've been here since 753 BC, and I'll be damned if we start doing as the Greeks do.

So, Romans, let's keep a watchful eye on our new Basileus. Let's make sure he doesn't start scribbling Greek graffiti over our beautiful Latin inscriptions. Let's make sure he doesn't turn our gl