Olybrius Out: Byzantine Puppet's Abrupt Exit Unravels Rome!

Olybrius Out: Byzantine Puppet's Abrupt Exit Unravels Rome!

2nd November, 472

Well, well, well... The puppet's strings have finally been cut! In an abrupt and all-too predictable move, our dear Emperor of the West, Olybrius, has checked out.

Now, if you were as taken aback by this news as a gladiator in a room full of lions, I'm here to tell you, "Surprise! There's no surprise." The only shock here is that the bloke lasted as long as he did.

Let's remind ourselves: Olybrius wasn't chosen because of his military prowess, leadership abilities, or some deep love for Rome. No, he was purely and simply the choice of our dear "friends" (cue the sarcasm) over in Byzantium.

Puppet on a Throne

You see, Olybrius was the Byzantine Emperor's puppet, or to put it in terms our plebeian readers may understand, he was the chariot that the Byzantines rode into our political arena. They pulled the reins, and Olybrius jumped. They tossed him a few gold coins, and he danced.

All Hail the Emperor... for a Few Months

Now don’t get me wrong, the bloke tried his best to act the part. Crown on his head, scepter in his hand, and that snide Byzantine look on his face. But an emperor? I've seen Roman street urchins with more authority. His reign? A whopping five months. The man could barely last a season.

The Fall of the Puppet

As for his sudden exit, well, here's where the plot thickens. Some say he fell ill. Others whisper of an assassination. Either way, without their puppet, the Byzantines' plan to control Rome has unraveled faster than a scroll in a gale.

A Cautionary Tale

This, my dear Romans, is a cautionary tale. When you let foreign powers meddle in our affairs, you end up with an emperor who isn't worth his weight in cheap wine.

Looking Forward

As we move forward, let's remember our traditional Roman virtues. Let's choose leaders who embody our ideals and will fight for Rome, not dance for Byzantium. And for Jupiter's sake, let's hope our next emperor lasts longer than a loaf of bread in a starving man's house.

So, raise your cups, my friends. Here's to Olybrius: a puppet, a fool, and a lesson to us all. Vale!