Outrageous Outlay: Hadrian's Wall or Rome's Ruin?

OPINION:

"Outrageous Outlay: Hadrian's Wall or Rome's Ruin?" - 122 AD

By Clickbaiticus Historius

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Well, my dear readers, it seems that our beloved Emperor Hadrian has decided to put his architectural passion to the test with this grand, boundary-pushing project - literally. Only it’s not just boundaries that are being pushed here, but also our patience and our gold reserves.

You might have heard whispers around the Forum: a monumental wall, stretching from the Solway Firth to the Tyne River. A wall to protect us from the barbarians. A wall, they say, to 'keep the Romans safe'. Safe from what, I ask? A horde of loincloth-clad Caledonians too daft to invent central heating?

Now don't get me wrong, dear readers. I have no issue with a good wall. A wall around the city, a wall around the villa - even a wall around the wife's garden if she insists, but a wall in the middle of nowhere? At the cost of how many denarii? To use a contemporary phrase, it sounds like we're throwing good money after bad.

This 'Hadrian's Wall', as he's modestly named it, will cost us Romans the equivalent of a small fortune. To put it in terms you might appreciate, that's like trading half of our gladiatorial arenas for a pile of rocks in Britannia.

And let's speak about Britannia, shall we? While Emperor Hadrian is busy playing Master Builder, who's taking care of all the other provinces? Gaul? Germania? Hispania? Or is it that we've decided Britannia is the trouble child, and everyone else can fend for themselves?

There's also the question of our Roman soldiers - the bravest and finest warriors the world has ever seen. Their job should be to fight enemies, to keep peace within the empire, to protect Rome's interest. Instead, they're being sent to the edge of the world to pile stones on top of one another. Is this really why they enlisted, or have we just found a new way to punish them for their misdeeds?

And while we're on the topic, has anyone thought about how this wall might affect our relations with the Caledonians? Surely building an 80-mile-long 'Keep Out' sign isn't going to do wonders for the diplomatic relationship, is it?

In conclusion, my fellow Romans, it seems that our Emperor's infatuation with grand architectural projects is leading us down a path of financial ruin and strained international relations. There's no denying that Hadrian's Wall is an impressive feat of engineering. But as for whether it's a sensible use of our resources? Well, that's a question best left to those of us who still have our heads screwed on right.