Parthian Plague: Rome's Glorious Triumph Turns into Tragic Epidemic!

Ah, dear Romans, brace yourselves. Just when we thought we'd sipped the last drop of the goblet of glory with our Parthian triumph, a bitter aftertaste has swept in - the Parthian Plague! Just as the wine turns sour, so has our victory. This is not the welcome home party our Parthian victors expected.

Let's get facts straight, the Parthian Plague, a gift from the East, gratitude, is wreaking havoc in our beloved city. Oh, don’t you just love these souvenirs?

Now, I’m no Aesculapius, but the symptoms of this plague don’t bode well. Sweats that could fill the Tiber and fevers hotter than Vulcan's forge. And what’s this? A rash as red as Mars himself? Oh, how the Gods must be laughing.

This is the price we pay for our "global" empire. Subjugating the far reaches, only to bring back more than just their gold. Ah, the irony, it's thicker than a gladiator's biceps.

But let's be clear. This plague isn't just a biological disaster; it's a monumental political failure. A failure as big as Nero's singing career. We've been too busy lapping up exotic luxuries and expanding our borders, while our city walls crumble and our citizens languish.

And who's at the helm of this sinking ship? Our esteemed Senate, more interested in the price of Egyptian grain than the health of Roman citizens. The plague is not the disease; it's merely a symptom of a sicker problem - our leadership's blithe disregard for Roman life.

Oh, don't get me wrong. I love a slice of Parthian victory as much as the next Roman. But not when it's served with a side of crippling plague. It's like a feast at Trimalchio's - extravagant, but ultimately nauseating.

So, fellow Romans, let's raise our goblets to the Parthian Plague. A toast to our leaders, for their glorious triumph turned tragic epidemic. Maybe they'll finally taste the bitter brew they've been serving us all this time.

Until then, keep your togas clean, and your wit sharper than a gladiator's sword. After all, we Romans have always been survivors, haven't we? We've weathered many a storm, and we'll weather this plague too. Just keep your wits about you, and remember - In vino, veritas.

Romans, remember - a plague cannot defeat us, only we can defeat ourselves!