Ricimer's Fall: When Barbarian Influence Withered On The Vine!

In the year of the consulship of our beloved Anicius, citizens of Rome, we witness a spectacle that even the greatest dramatist couldn’t have written. Our very own Suebian, the “power behind the throne”, has been bested by his own game. I’m talking, of course, about the fall of Flavius Ricimer. The self-proclaimed magister militum and patricius of our Empire. Well, at least he was, until he breathed his last yesterday.

The Suebian puppet-master, who pulled the strings of not, one, not two, but no less than five puppet Emperors, has finally met his end. "Ricimer's Fall", they are calling it, an event that could easily be mistaken for the latest amphitheatre farce, if it were not so deliciously true.

Not only did he fail to secure his own longevity, but he's left us with an Emperor who's more in tune with the Goths than the Romans. Ah, sweet irony. "Excellent job, Ricimer! The barbarians thank you!" is something I'd like to say, if he wasn't too busy pushing up the vines to hear it.

The barbarian influence on our great Empire has been a vine of poison, steadily strangling the life from our institutions. But, with Ricimer's fall, that vine is showing the first signs of withering. It's incredible, isn't it? One day you are the one pulling all the strings, the next, you're a footnote in the annals of history, known only as the tall, barbarian lad who failed in his goal to keep Rome under his thumb.

Ricimer, who was more at ease with Germanic longboats than Roman triremes, was a symptom of a larger disease. A disease of foreign influence and a departure from good, old-fashioned Roman values. His demise marks an opportunity for Rome to return to its roots and expunge the barbarian influence that has seeped into our beloved Empire.

So, let's raise a cup of the finest Falernian to the prospect of a Roman-ruled Rome. Hic sunt leones, indeed. A season of change is upon us, fellow Romans. As we remember Ricimer, let's not forget what he represented: a departure from the Roman way. His fall, however, gives us the chance to reclaim that which is rightfully ours.

Here's to a bright future, citizens of Rome, where we remember the wisdom of our forebears, honor our traditions, and keep our power firmly in the hands of true Romans. And as for Ricimer, well, let's just say the vines of the Empire are a little less choked today. Vale!