Undefined: The Trojan Horse Threatening Rome's Timeless Standards!

By Clickbaiticus Historius

“Beware of Greeks bearing gifts,” said the prophet Laocoön, and I say beware of Trojan horses threatening Rome's timeless standards. Indeed, dear Romans, the city we love and hold dear is under siege, and the enemy is not outside our walls, but very much within.

The Trojan Horse, ladies and gentlemen, is not a monstrous wooden beast filled with warriors. No, this is far more insidious. It's the slow, creeping acceptance of foreign influences that threaten to erode the very fabric of our society. From the draping Greek togas to the exotic Egyptian kohl lining our women's eyes, we're slowly losing ourselves in a sea of foreign culture.

Have we gotten so bored with our own heritage that we're willing to trade in our proud Roman traditions for a taste of the exotic? We are the descendants of Romulus and Remus, the proud sons and daughters of Mars himself! Let us not forget that.

Beware, dear readers, for this horse isn't just at our gates, it's trotting merrily through our streets, sneaking into our homes, and even influencing our Senate. And for what? For us to look more "Greek"? Is that the trade-off we're willing to make?

For those of you indulging in Greek wine, I ask: Have you forgotten the robust taste of our Italian vineyards? Have we become so infatuated with 'Hellenic sophistication' that we've forgotten our own Etruscan roots?

And what's next, I wonder? A statue of Zeus in place of Jupiter Optimus Maximus? The horror!

“I've always been a proud Roman, and this Trojan horse business simply doesn't sit well with me,” says Seneca the Younger, a renowned philosopher. “We have our own rich culture, our own gods, our own way of life. Why should we adulterate it with foreign influences?”

A sentiment I wholeheartedly agree with. It's time to reclaim our streets from this Trojan horse. I say, let's go back to our roots, back to our traditions. Let's remind ourselves and the world of our glorious past.

Remember, dear Romans, as Julius Caesar once said: 'Veni, Vidi, Vici.' We came, we saw, we conquered. Let's not allow ourselves to be conquered in return by foreign influences.

“Rome wasn't built in a day, and it certainly won't be undone by a Trojan horse,” declares Gaius Marius, a military reformer and seven-time consul. “We'll stand strong, together, as true Romans.”

Let's stand up to this Trojan horse, dear Romans. Let's show the world that we're not just the masters of the world