294 BCE Scandal: Consul Funds Temple with Stolen Fines!

March Madness in the Roman Empire: The Gossipy Gladiators Reveal All

Oh, honey, if you thought the scandals in our beloved Empire were just about togas, trysts, and treachery, you're in for a treat. This March, we're dishing up the juice on a scandal that's shaking the pillars of the Capitol itself. Brace yourself, because this is one for the history scrolls.

A Temple Built on Lies... and Fines

Now, we all love a good temple. Who doesn't? They're grand, they're gorgeous, and they're God-approved. But what if I told you that the latest temple to grace our skyline is funded not by the goodwill of the people, but by the dirty denarii of stolen fines?

Ladies and gents, meet our dear Consul Lucius Postumius Megellus. You know, the one with the shiny bald head and the shiny new temple? Well, turns out, he's been funding his divine pet project with a not-so-divine source of income: stolen fines!

How Do You Plead, Megellus?

So here's how it all went down. Last week, our eagle-eyed auditors noticed something fishy in the state funds. A little bit of digging, a little bit of gossip, and voila - they uncovered a scandal worthy of Bacchus himself.

Apparently, old Megellus has been skimming off the top of the fines collected from our less-lawful citizens. You know, the ones who can't keep their hands off other people's property or can't keep their togas on after a few cups of wine.

Now, we're all for keeping the streets of Rome clean and pure, but using those fines to finance your temple, Megellus? That's stooping lower than a slave at a senator's feet.

What Happens Now?

Our noble Senate, always upstanding and just (wink, wink), has promised a thorough investigation. Megellus, on the other hand, is pleading innocence. But let's be honest - the odds of him being innocent are about as high as a barbarian becoming an emperor.

In the meantime, construction of the temple has been halted. The gods, it seems, are less than pleased with their ill-gotten abode. A series of strange omens have been plaguing the site: Two-headed snakes, wine turning to vinegar, and even a statue of Mars weeping blood. Coincidence? I think not!

So, stay tuned, Rome, because this scandal is just heating up. One thing's for sure: March in our glorious Empire is turning out to be a month to remember.

And remember, if you can't make it to the Senate hearings, don't worry. We'll be there, ready to spill the wine... I mean, the truth. After all, in Rome, the truth is often stranger - and juicier - than myth.