367 CE: Teen Heartthrob Gratian Crowned Augustus by Dad Valentinian!

The Talk of the Town

Hold onto your togas, folks! Run a comb through that laurel wreath because the Roman Empire is in for a wild ride! This year, 367 CE, we're all about to witness something that's hotter than the baths at Caracalla, and it's not just the summer heat.

#KingMeDaddy

Our beloved Emperor Valentinian I, the guy who's been keeping the barbarians at bay and the economic bloom afloat, has just dropped a bombshell in the Roman political scene. Yes, you read it right, folks, our very own silver fox has crowned his eldest son, Gratian, as our new Augustus. That's Emperor to you and me, in case you've been living under a rock (or a fallen column from the recent earthquake).

Gratian: The Gladiator of Our Hearts

Oh boy, where do we start with this one? At just 16 years old, Gratian is the talk of the town - and we mean EVERY town in the sprawling empire. From Hispania to Syria, from Alexandria to Londinium, everyone's buzzing about the new golden boy of Rome.

A Chip Off the Old Block

Our sources tell us that this isn't just another case of nepotism (looking at you, Commodus). Gratian, despite his tender age, is no pushover. He's been groomed for this position since he was in swaddling clothes, learning everything from military tactics to legal codes. His dad, the big V himself, has been making sure his boy's ready to carry his mantle (quite literally in this case).

The Hype is Real

But let's be real, it's not just his potential political acumen that's got everyone talking. Let's just say that Venus has bestowed her blessings generously on this one. Those dreamy eyes. That chiseled jawline. That svelte figure honed by hours of military training. Oh, and let's not forget the royal toga that drapes over him like a second skin.

Brace Yourself, Rome!

So here we are, folks. The dawn of a new era is upon us. Let's hope that under Gratian's rule, our Empire continues to flourish and keep the barbarians at bay. And in the meantime, let's also hope he keeps slaying in those togas.

In the spirit of ancient wisdom, let's remember - "Fortune favors the bold". So here's to our bold new leader! May his rule be as dazzling as his smile. We're in for an interesting ride, Rome. Stay tuned for more updates as we track the journey of our teen heartthrob to the top!

May the gods be ever in our favor.