46 BC Scandal: Caesar Chases Pompey's Sons Across Continents!

The Gossip Columna: Caesar's Continent-Crossing Chase - 46 BC Scandal Shakes the Forum!

Rome, March 46 BC - I hope you're sitting comfortably on your marble benches, Roma's hippest and trendiest, because boy, do we have some hot goss straight out of the Senate! We've all heard the rumors, but now it's confirmed: Julius Caesar - man of the hour, dictator of our hearts - is chasing Pompey's sons across continents like a lovesick teenager!

Pompey's Progeny Provokes Petulant Pursuit!

It all started, as these things do, with the death of Pompey the Great. As we all know, this tragic loss left his sons - Gnaeus and Sextus (or as I like to call them, 'The Pompey Pipsqueaks') - in charge of his army. Now, Caesar, our ever-determined leader, decided to take matters into his own hands. This isn't a simple case of hide and seek, folks - this is epic, monumental, the stuff of legends!

To quote a local grape vendor who witnessed Caesar's departure, “By Jupiter! It was like watching an eagle soar after a couple of squawking pigeons!”

Caesar's World-Wide-Warrior-Wanderlust!

Our beloved Caesar has always been a travel enthusiast, but this is next-level! First he took a sunny break in Egypt (and we all know how that 'Cleopatra vacation' turned out), then he headed east to Pontus (where he famously 'came, saw, and conquered'), and now he's off again, chasing the Pompey Pipsqueaks all the way to Africa and Hispania.

It's like a round-the-world trip, except instead of collecting souvenirs, he's collecting victories!

"Pompey's Pipsqueaks? More like Pompey's Fleeing Fledglings!"

This chase isn't just about Caesar, though. Oh no, ladies and gentlemen of the Empire. Let's not forget about the Pompey Pipsqueaks. These boys are proving they can run and hide with the best of them, but we have to wonder, how long will they keep running?

As one local baker mused, "If they were any good at fighting, they'd be called Pompey's Gladiators. But they're not. They're Pompey's Fleeing Fledglings!"

Rome Awaits!

So there you have it, Rome - the latest and greatest scandal of 46 BC! Our beloved Caesar is off on another adventure, and we're left waiting and wondering just what will happen next.

And as we watch the sun set on our glorious city, we can't help but wonder whether the Pipsqueaks are watching the same sunset from their hiding place. And just what will Caesar do when he finally catches up to them?

All we can do is wait... and gossip!

Valete! and till next scandal, dear readers. Stay trendy, Roma.