48 BCE: Caesar's Epic Victory, Pompey Flees and Faces Tragic End!

Caesar Brings Home the ‘W’

In the most wickedly wild turn of events since Big Jules’s (a.k.a Julius Caesar) crossed the Rubicon, our main man has totally crushed Pompey the Great in the Battle of Pharsalus. It’s 48 BCE, and sorry Pompey, but this year's MVP award is not going to you!

The battle, folks, was a classic David and Goliath story. Except this time, David is a career politician with a penchant for epic speeches and Goliath is a well-respected military general with vastly superior numbers. But hey, who doesn't love an underdog story?

The Battle of Pharsalus: Let’s Get Ready to Rumble!

As the day broke, Pompey's fans, all 45,000 of them, were ready to see him roll over Caesar like a chariot over a Gaul. But our boy Caesar, he had different plans. With just 22,000 soldiers, they charged into the battle, chins up and shields forward, shouting "Veni, vidi, vici!" (Okay, maybe not, but it sounds cool, doesn't it?)

The result? Pompey's army ran faster than a senator when the bill arrives. Now, that’s what I call a real “Pharsalus Phiasco!”

Pompey: From Great to Gone

But let's not forget about Pompey. He's had his moments, right? There was that time he cleaned up the Mediterranean Sea from pirates. And remember when he expanded the Roman Empire all the way to Jerusalem? Now, though, he's fleeing faster than a scared cat in a dog show!

Did we expect Pompey to sail away to Egypt, tail between his legs? Of course not! But that's exactly what he did, seeking refuge with the young pharaoh, Ptolemy XIII.

A Tragic End for a Tragic Hero

Now, here's the juicy bit, folks. In a twist as sharp as the pointy end of a Roman gladius, Ptolemy XIII, trying to curry favor with Caesar, decided to greet the fleeing Pompey not with a hug but with a dagger. Ouch! Talk about a backstabbing!

So, here's the takeaway, kiddos: In Ancient Rome, even the great can fall, alliances shift faster than the Tiber's current, and nobody, I mean nobody, messes with Big Jules. After all, it's 48 BCE, and it's the time of Caesar. What a time to be alive, amirite?

Tune in next time for more epic tales from the heart of the Roman Empire, powered by your favorite time-traveling tabloid writer. And remember, in Rome, we don’t predict the news, we create it. Vivat Caesar!