Majorian's Gruesome Demise Ordered by Ricimer, 461 AD Exposed!

A Boisterous Betrayal in the Belly of the Empire

Hear ye, hear ye! This just in: the Ancient Roman Empire is swamped in scandal and intrigue once more! Just when you thought the old girl had settled down for a calm, peaceful century, pow! - she's back with a vengeance.

"Et Tu, Ricimer?"

As if the name 'Ricimer' wasn't already controversial enough, the chap's outdone himself this time. I mean, come on, we all knew he was a master manipulator, nay a puppeteer, but ordering the demise of our dear Emperor Majorian? That's a new level of low, even for him.

Though most Romans are too busy conquering stuff or lounging around in togas to take notice, the gossip vine has been abuzz with whispers of Majorian's gruesome demise. It's 461 AD, people, and we're living in an Empire more riddled with scandalous plots than a Colosseum on fight night!

From Hero to Zero

Not that our Emperor was any saint, mind you. Majorian, once the darling of the Roman Empire, had his fair share of unsavoury hobbies. Let's just say, he wouldn't think twice about annexing a few lands here, suppressing a rebellion there, or even, on occasion, exterminating whole tribes. Classic Majorian!

However, the shocking news of his death has left even the most hardened Centurion in tears. Regardless of all his antics, Majorian was the face of the Empire - a symbol of Roman strength, resilience, and fabulous hair.

The Mastermind Behind the Mayhem

But the juiciert bit? Ricimer, our beloved general and puppet master extraordinaire, is rumoured to have ordered the assassination himself! Yikes! Talk about biting the hand that feeds you!

After all, wasn't it Majorian who legitimized Ricimer's power and made him the de facto ruler? A backstabbing tale as old as Rome herself!

The Last Laugh?

Majorian's gruesome death, an act most heinous and vile, has thrown the Empire into a state of chaos and confusion. But who gets the last laugh? That's right, it's our old friend Ricimer, chilling in his villa, probably sipping on some fine Roman wine, and plotting his next move.

While we mourn Majorian's untimely demise, we can't help but wonder... is this the beginning of the end for Rome? Or will another hero rise from the ashes, ready to take on the Ricimer beast? Only time will tell.

Stay tuned, fellow Romans, as we bring you the latest in the saga of the scandalous Ancient Roman Empire!