Shock Adoption Twist: Senate Crowns Hadrian Roman Emperor!

"In the Year of the Consuls, Aelius Hadrianus Afer and Publius Acilius Attianus (117 AD).

Unexpected Turn of Events

In a maneuver as confusing as trying to solve the Gordian Knot while in your cups, the Senate has just crowned a new Emperor, and it's none other than Hadrian! Yes, you read that right, Hadrian. You know, the one who was adopted by our dearly departed Emperor Trajan, in a move that was as unexpected as a Gaul in a toga party.

Who is Hadrian?

Born Publius Aelius Hadrianus Afer, or Hadrian to his pals, is a Roman military man best known for his ardent love for Greek culture. He's like that guy in your legion who always talks about that one time he went backpacking through Athens.

The Curious Case of Trajan's Adoption

It was a day like any other when Trajan, our beloved emperor, who by the way, expanded our empire more than a patrician's waistline at a bacchanalia, suddenly adopts Hadrian. Under normal circumstances, nothing to bat an eye at. But the plot thickens, folks. Trajan then proceeds to die faster than a plebian's dreams of upward mobility.

The Senate's decision to crown Hadrian emperor is as surprising as finding out your gladiator best friend is secretly a vegetarian. Trajan's wife, Plotina, swears the adoption papers were signed before Trajan took his trip to the Elysian Fields, but the timing is more suspicious than a senator who claims he doesn't have a villa in Baiae.

Hail to the New Emperor!

Not one to let the grass grow under his feet, or a perfectly good laurel wreath lie unused, Hadrian has accepted the role of Emperor with gusto. He's already got plans to strengthen the empire's defenses. We're talking walls, people. Big, beautiful walls, to keep out the barbarians.

And for those of us in the cheap seats, it looks like he’s going to be as generous as a senator’s wife with his money, with a focus on public building projects. We can only hope that these initiatives don't turn out to be as complicated as the Vestal Virgins' love lives.

What's Next for Rome?

Only time will tell where Hadrian's reign will take us, but given his tastes, we can probably expect more Greek statues, more Greek philosophers, and more Greek... well, everything. Get ready to trade your tunics for togas, folks - we’re in for a Hellenic ride!

In a city that loves a spectacle almost as much as a good scandal, this turn of events is sure to keep the rumor mills turning faster than a chariot in the Circus Maximus. So grab a goblet of your finest Falernian and toast to our new Emperor Hadrian. May his rule be as exciting as today's headlines!